If you're reading this and you don't know, i'm a Broncos fan. I was born in Denver, my family is all from Denver, my grandpa was in the first 1,000 people to stand in line in 1969 to buy tickets. My credentials are in order.

So this might seem like a total homer post, but really it's just to point out the fact that Michael Irvin is retarded (which is really offensive to retarded people, because most of them are smarter...). I've known it for a while, but it seems that his co-hosts are starting to get super, super frustrated about it. And what makes it amazing is that in the first clip, not even Stu "I can't talk street" Scott even calls him out on it and Stu is the kind of guy who probably wants to be accepted by his own race so badly that he would agree with a guy like Irvin no matter what. Well congratulation Stu, you stood up for something and you gained 3 points in my book, which brings you up to 3 points in my book. Keep up the good work.

So anyway, this clip is from the Broncos - Raven monday night game, when the Broncos won. Irvin's top 5 teams in the AFC contains the Patriots and the Ravens, both of whom...you guessed it, the Broncos have beaten. Somehow, the Broncos aren't on his list. And really, it makes me look really forward to the days when another current psychotic Cowboys reciever will inevitably make regular appearances on various ESPN shows.

Irvin needs to stop doing drugs



Are You Retarded?

Yup. TJ thinks he's retarded.

I didn’t get to watch any of it because I was in the boonies for the weekend, but from the sound of it the Yankees just got annihilated and the Tigers have regained a bit of their former swagger.
I really enjoy it when the Yankees lose and I’m sorry I couldn’t be there to see it in person. I’m really excited for a winter full of A-Rod trade rumors (and maybe even an actual trade) and Steinbrenner rants in the media. I don’t think he’ll fire Torre but I wouldn’t be completely surprised by that either (I wrote the previous sentence on Sunday, and have since then learned that yes, Torre is fired. But placing him withLou Pinella? The guy's a great manager, i just don't see him as a Yankee's manager.).

I recently read the Tom Verducci story about A-Rod that surprised so many people because of what Giambi said, but it’s totally hilarious now. Giambi said something along the lines of how A-Rod doesn’t know who he is and that we would find out a lot about him in the coming months…So A-Rod responded to his critics by going 1-14 (.071) and had no RBIs for the second post-season in a row. I love him. His ineptitude is quickly making him one of my favorite baseball players around. Wouldn’t it be great if he ended up as a DBack or even a Rockie and just killed it in the NL West? Ha ha. Good stuff. And with the Rangers, and now probably the Yankees still paying that ridiculous contract, a small team could probably get him for .30 cents on the dollar. It could happen.

I’m impressed with the A’s for finally clinching a series. These guys look pretty strong and I’m sure it was a big monkey off of their backs to finally clinch one. The Tigers look better, the Cards don’t look completely horrible, and the Padres/Dodgers contingent will probably go quietly into the October night. (And by Monday morning, this had also come true. That's what i get for not posting immediately after i write something..)

More when more happens.

I can't do a completel live blog for this morning's Twins-A's game because, hey, i have a job interview. I know, big surprise.

So i'll make some quick comments during the first hour, the first of which is, "A guy named Boof, is not going to win a playoff game while pitching. It just can't happen. When Boof wins a playoff game, he'll strike out Choo Freeman 3 times."

10:08 - Boof is attacking hitters says Ron Gardenhire. Apparently Boof's original name was John, but he legally changed it to Boof during the 2001 season. Yet the sideline reporter has no answers for us as to why he did this?

10:14 - The announcers need to call him just Boof. Stop calling him by his last name. NOW.

10:17 - Loaiza didn't pitch well at the beginning of the year and according to our crack staff of announcers, it's because of 8 IP against Canada in the WBC. Sure, and he also pitched extremely well the night after his DUI arrest, which they fail to mention.

10:20 - I'm already tired of "Mauer Power." It sounds like something little Joey would have written on a poster while running for class president in middle school.

10:30 - Eric Chavez is Kit Keller for League of Their Own. Just struck out on 3 high fastballs.

10:34 - Boof has 3 strikeouts. What a silly world we live in.

10:36 - I'm just happy that we have two guys in that show "The Nine" that had former careers in TV. Joe from Wings, and the Fox kid from Party of Five. Well done guys.

10:42 - Tommy Lasorda in a sorority house kinda scares me.

10:46 - Boof was nickname from his grandparents. It's the top of the 3rd and this is the first time this is mentioned? Announcing sucks.

10:51 - On MLB Baseball for playstation2, Justin Morneau was the highest rated prospect you could draft. And he just showed why with a lightning fast double play. Gardenhire just used the words "attacking" and "Boof" in the same sentence again.

Alright i'm off. I'll be back for the next game.

Alright, i gave in. I live for sports way too much, and i have too much time on my hands to not do a blog about sports. Over the last few months i have enjoyed reading sports blogs like Deadspin.com and Kissing Suzy Kolber so much that i just can't help but lend my own voice to the madness.

So the standard rules will apply. Mainly MBFY.

I'm going to jump in with both feet and live blog the rest of the Yankees game. And then i'm going to teach myself HTML. I don't know which one will take longer...baaazzzziinnnggg.

5:56 - I have 5 beers in the fridge. That might not be enough. We'll see.

5:57 - The sweet sound of this blog's name is doing the play-by-play for this game and i'll take this time to mention my muse. That Holiday Inn commercial with the 3 guys touching his neck is so damn uncomfortable and so homo-erotic. Who green-lighted that idea? And Joe Buck had to stand there and shoot that scene. I knew he was a dweeb but come on. Have some dignity. i would rather watch the VW Crash commercials.

5:59 - Brandon Inge is up to bat, and may have the sweetest facial hair since Nate Brocious. Baby face, freshly shaven and just one extra long soul patch. And i think his head is shaven too. So that may be the only hair he has on his body.

6:02 - Tim McCarver just said that a 3rd base coach is much like an offensive coordinator in football. Yeah Tim, except that a 3rd base coach is responsible for 20-21 fewer people. I should have named this blog "Killing Tim McCarver", in honor of Danny, who hates Tim McCarver.

6:13 - Have i mentioned that i despise that Yankees? Just wanted to make sure we were clear on that point.

6:13 - Abreu just ripped a double that scores Johnny Judas and Jeter. 2-0 Yanks.

6:15 - Gary Sheffield, of weirdest batting stance this side of Craig Counsell fame, just singled in Abreu, 3-0 yanks.

6:19 - Boy the all-steroid team came to play tonight. Giambi home run makes it 5-0.

6:23 - McCarver brings up the Orlando Hernandez was supposed to start game 1 for the Mets tomorrow before he pulled his calf working out today. How does a guy get traded by the dbacks for nothing, and then start game 1 of the ALDS? It's called the Arizona Rule. A guy leaves any team in Arizona, he'll automatically get better. Michael Pittman, Thomas Jones, Simeon Rice, Junior Spivey, Lyle Overbay, Dan Uggla, Jake Plummer, even Tom Tupa at one point left the Cardinals and endud up as a punter in the Super Bowl. There are a ton more, i just can't think of all of them right now.

6:34 - This game is so boring that Buck has resorted to looking around Yankee stadium for famous people. It's only the top of 4. I don't know how much more i can take.

6:41 - Behind Joe Torre's head is a book that has a large Tiger's logo and says "Dugout Book." Huh???

6:43 - Jeter just got caught up in a hit and run in which Abreu couldn't hit because the ball was on his chin. Most exciting moment of the last 30 minutes.

6:46 - Hey Craig Monroe hits a homerun over Judas' head and puts the Tigers on the board. 5-1.

6:48 - Craig Monroe apparently has a mother named Marilyn who is paralyzed from the waist down. This is why i watch baseball. For the backstories.

6:52 - 5-2 Tigers...yawwwwwnn. Although McCarver thinks it's terribly exciting having just said, "The Tigers are right back in this thing." Sure Tim. Also, Sean Casey is the nicest man in all of sports. Joe Buck is a wealth of knowledge.

6:54 - The nicest guy in sports just got himself an RBI. 2-run game. This would be the first time since 2004 that Tim McCarver was right. We'll see.

6:55 - Brian Bruney, formerly of the Dbacks, is warming up for the Yankees. Which means he'll be shutting off this rally real quick.

7:02 - Giambi got beaned to bring up A-Rod. This has double-play written all over it.

7:03 - Or a strike-out. Ha. The blog world is calling him Mr. May, because he just kills it in the regular season and then just bites the big one come games that acutally matter.

7:09 - McCarver just refered to Carlos Guillen's steadily increasing batting average "a gathering storm." In the next pitch, Chein - Ming Wang threw an inside pitch and McCarver said he couldn't get away with the pitch again. So Wang threw the same exact pitch for another strike. Good work Tim. And then he made fun of himself for being wrong. That's an improvement.

7:16 - The Departed looks like a flat awesome movie. Even the Boston accents aren't bad.

7:17 - I like the Tommy LaSorda commercials where he yells at people for not watching baseball because their favorite team is not in the playoffs, but if i know anything about Fox, i'll be seeing them a few too many thousand times between now and November.

7:22 - Jeter is 4 for 4 and everyone in NY still hates A-Rod.

7:31 - Joe Buck likes Tommy's commercials too. He has to. Compared to his, Carl's Jr. commercials are good.

7:32 - Mike friggin Meyers is warming up in the Yankees bullpen! The Yankees must know the AZ Rule. Although, it can't possibly apply to Mike Myers can it? We're about to find out.

7:36 - Ha Ha. I actually wanted to write, "And he immediately gives up a home run!" Just out of habit, but i didn't. And i should have, because he immediately served up a tater to Curtis Granderson. Brilliant.

7:45 - Mike Meyers or not, the Tigers won't go away. It's 7-4 with runners on the corners and Mags representing the tying run at the plate. Man i hope this gets interesting.

7:47 - But no.

8:00 - ZZZZZZZZ. ZZZZZZZZZZZ.

8:05 - If anyone is going to give this game back to the Tigers, it'll be Kyle Farnsworth. Buck just called his stuff "electric" and yeah, when the Cubs don't even want you, that must be some "electric" stuff. And he makes me look smart by issuing a 4-pitch walk.

8:07 - Man, how many batteries, pill bottles and ab machines are the people of Philly going to throw at T.O. on Sunday? I can't even wait.

8:16 - Here comes Rivera. Boring. I'm over it. So much for the first live blog. It'll take some practice. In the mean time, since when is John Lovitz gay?

8:22 - Jeter blasts a home run, as if to say, "Here, hate A-Rod a little more." And he sticks it in the proverbial keister of the Tigers. Goodnight.